“And every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven.”
Yesterday we lost our sweet Penny. Our strong fighter. Our little Snow White. We didn’t leave her bedside the last few days, and our doctors gave us hope that she might make it. That the measures they were taking might pull her through. That hope was so welcome, so needed.
At just before 5:30 they discovered Penny was bleeding internally. The surgeons came, her stats began to drop, her bedside was crowded with doctors and nurses as they did everything they could to keep her alive. I held her hand. Through the chaos, somehow, I found my voice. I sang to her. “So This is Love” from Cinderella, “Beau Soir” by Debussy, and “Goodnight My Someone” from The Music Man, all quietly in her ear. I kissed her little hand for the first time. Rick read her our favorite book “Bunny Roo, I Love You.”
The chaos began to subside. Our doctor told us it was time. They gave Penny morphine to make her comfortable as they gently took her off the machines which a moment ago had been giving her life. They wrapped her in our rainbow blanket and a hat her grandma made for her shortly after she was born. Free of all her leads and machines they handed her to me. It was as if, for a brief moment, time zipped forward to her due date. I was in a hospital bed again, just having given birth, and my beautiful baby was in my arms for the very first time. She was indescribable, beautiful, perfect. In her last moments she was finally with her mom again. Her dad by her side. Our love radiating, where she belonged. As she drifted away we sang and read. I hope she felt peace and our love.
We stayed with her for a long time. Memorizing her face, the weight of her. The softness of her sweet head, her nose, her eyes. We bathed her, gently caressing each perfect part.
This journey has been so hard. Without Rick I couldn’t have done it. He’s been my rock and I his. Last year I was in an opera, Il Tabarro. The story deals with a relationship torn apart by the loss of a baby. How the grief can eat you, leave you a shell, push you apart. I now intimately understand that grief, the pain. How you could spiral into a well within yourself without the hand of the one you love to pull you out. My love for Rick has immeasurably strengthened through this. He has been there for me in every moment. Holding me, giving me hope and encouragement in every moment it was needed. Always present. Always watching, waiting to support me. My hand in the well. And I have been there too, in the moments he needed me I was strong. Pulling from a place I didn’t know I had. Together. We need each other.
I woke up this morning at home. Expecting to open my eyes at the Ronald McDonald house. Expecting to get ready and walk to the hospital, to get there in time for rounds. To see what the doctors have in store for the day. To hear the familiar heavy click of the door, the beeps and boops of her monitors. To walk to her pod and see our nurses hard at work giving fluids and meds, lovingly caring for her. Expecting to help feed her, change her diaper, giver her hand hugs and speak softly to her.
The pain of Penny’s loss is immeasurable, indescribable, unyielding, impossible to bear alone. She was the sweet girl we had wanted for so, so long. She came into this world fighting, here and then gone. A brief moment in time. But in that time I truly believe she touched so many. The nurses and doctors truly loved her. Their grief apparent at her passing. She touched all of you with her story. And she will be with us always.
I only ask one thing. That you remember her. Our lucky Penny. Every time you see a penny on the street. Every time it rains. Every time you embrace one another in hard times. Every time you see how this world can be so dark. Think of her, her miracle, the joy and hope her story brought.
We love you, Penny. You are never forgotten, always loved. Mom and Dad love you.
Comments
I saw a bright and shiny penny yesterday and thought of your Penny. You both have been in my prayers and I have shed many tears. May God bless and comfort you until you hold her in Heaven.
Sweet Penny and family, love to you.
Rick and Jenny.. I had the honor of caring for your sweet little Penny a few times.. she was the most beautiful little fighter.. you two are absolutely amazing and the love you have for her was felt by all who got the chance to meet you…and I know for sure penny could feel how much you loved her. I am beyond sorry for your loss.. Please know I am thinking of you guys and sending hugs and prayers your way.
❤️ Jen
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Penny. Your family will be in my prayers as you navigate through this very tough time. 💔😓
Dear Rick & Jenny,
Penny is the strongest and smallest fighter I ever met. Though we did not officially meet, I am one of the NICU nurses helping her on day she went to heaven. Your love for your daughter was palpable in the room, and I know Penny felt it because we all felt it. Thank you for sharing, be good to each other, and I will always remember! -Catie
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
We loved Penny without knowing her except through updates and pictures. She is missed as we were all routing and praying for her. Maybe someday you will be able to write a song about her.
Rick and Jenny,
You do not know me but I somehow found your page and have been praying for your family in these last weeks. I am so deeply sorry for your loss…Penny’s life touched me in such a tender way. Your loss is unimaginable but I want you to know that I will remember her and your story. Thank you for sharing your journey with strangers like me. I will continue praying for you in the days to come.
Roy & I send our Love & prayers for you. Penny has touched many 💕
Dearest Rick and Jenny,
What safer place for Penny to be, then in the loving arms of “Our Father.”
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones during this most difficult time of your life.
Heavenly Father, I pray that through Thy Holy Spirit, you will manifest a healing comfort and caress those, whose eyes are filled with tears. Rain down Your compassion on this family as they mourn the loss of their little angel, Penny. I pray this prayer in the name of Jesus. Amen
Blessings to you from a sister in faith, Judy Spornick, Ogden Dunes Community Church
Jenny and Rick. It has taken me a day to bring up this post having already heard the sad news from Jeanne right after you told them. Your words above are amazingly beautiful for parents in deep grief. And how ironic you played in I’ll Tabarro! To me the Lord works in mysterious ways! He gave you a miracle in Little Penny and he gave you a miracle in playing in that opera. Don’t loose faith in Him! I have sent you a book called “Loving Avery” written by the wife of my nephew after her first was still born. I hope you will read it and possibly resort to re-reading it in reflective moments. Losing a child, no matter what the cause or when, is the hardest thing to overcome. As Heidi put it, for her it was hard to be a mother without a child. However, she has 2 wonderful boys. May God grant you peace through His grace. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story of Penny. ❤️
The most beautiful words for the most beautiful miracle. 🤍🤍🤍
Jenny and Rick, I have read this post at least five times and have stared at the pictures in complete wonderment in the miracle of Penny. She WAS a miracle. The love you have for her radiates from these pictures. When I read your update today, my heart dropped to my feet and I just cried. You did absolutely every single thing on this earth for Penny. There is no stone unturned for your baby girl. I hope you always know this. The pain of her passing will always remind you of the truly extraordinary month you had with her. She taught you and all of us so much in such a short amount of time. She taught us what REALLY matters and she showed us what fighting looks like. I will NEVER look at a penny again and not think of your daughter. As you hold each other, know that you fought right along side Penny and you all gave everything. May Penny always be with you. You will see her again. I know this. If you close your eyes, you will feel her in your arms again. Her spirit will never leave you. Never never never. -Helen Todd
Rick and Jenny, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter, Penny. “There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.”
My heart breaks with yours. So very sorry.
How I love your baby Penny so much! I prayed for her, for you and Rick….but I really love that precious fighter! I’m so sorry for your loss….and I’m crying buckets….
Thank you for sharing baby Penny with us. For giving us hope, for sharing the love and beauty of your newborn…she touched my family and I promise you….I will remember your precious Penny…always.
Love to you…and praying for your peace that passes all understanding.
I have been following your story through Anne Martone’s prayer chain and I am so very sorry for your loss. Our Lord gave you the sweetest gift, a little girl to love with all your hearts. Loving her will never end, even as she makes a new beginning in her Forever Home waiting for you both to one day join her. God bless you for your strength, courage and acceptance of God’s Holy Will for Penny’s life. May you continue to grow in love for each other and for Jesus, believing He will be with you always walking the path alongside you.
I don’t know you but I’ve been praying for you and your darling Penny. I am so sorry for your incredible loss. I will continue to pray for you-that the Lord comforts and strengthens you in the minutes, hours and days ahead. God bless you and your family.
Oh Rick and Jenny, Jerry and I are so terribly sorry for your loss. Please know we are thinking of you all and sending you strength and love. Penny will be remembered always!
Oh, Jenny and Rick! I weep for you. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with Penny with us all.
We take our grandchildren to Penny Playground, here in Chehalis, WA. Our five year old grandson, Ori, was so sad when his mother told him about your Penny’s passing. He said, ‘I miss Penny!’
We will remember her when we go and play. We will be thankful for her. We believe we will see her: at Jesus’ feet. No more pain. But until then we will miss her. I pray that the God of all comfort will comfort you. I’m so thankful you have each other.
Much love!
Great aunt Carol
I have been praying so much for all of you. My heart is grieved at Penny’s passing. I know I will never find another penny without thinking of her and praying for you all. May you find peace and strength through the unbearable.
My heart 💔 breaks for you and your family! Losing a child is never easy and it’s painful for a long time. I’m praying 🙏🏻 for you during this most difficult time in your lives! May the Lord wrap His loving arms around you and may you feel His Love, Grace, comfort and Peace! Penny is safe in the precious arms of Jesus! Sending you love and prayers!!! ❤️🙏🏻 And yes Penny has truly made a difference in so many lives in a short period of time. She was a gift from heaven , a blessed bundle of joy and ❤️ love! God bless you with wonderful memories! Sweet Penny you will forever be loved!
My heart hurts for you. I’ll remember your sweet Penny. The picture of her sweet feet on either side of a penny will forever be in my mind. I’m praying God’s comfort and peace for both of you and the rest of your family.
Rick and Jenny, my heart is filled with love and hope to help you get through this time of deep sadness in the loss of your precious Penny. She knew your love and staying with her for these days in her will to keep fighting for her life to continue on. I will always remember your precious Penny . I will always remember your courage and abiding love for Penny and for each other. Thank you, for sharing your sweet, darling, Baby Penny with us. May Love and Blessings guide you through this heartbreaking, tearful time. Blessed are all the Children
Penny’s life and story will never be forgotten.
So very sorry for your loss. I will forever think of your sweet angel when I pick up a penny. Prayers for your continued strength and love through this most difficult time. ❤️🙏
My Penny is forever in my heart.
Broken hearted for you. Your post is filled with love for baby Penny and for each other. So moving. May you draw close to God who will strengthen and comfort you as only He can.
So incredibly sorry Jenny. Holding thoughts of you, Rick, and your beautiful Penny in my heart today.
I will never not see a penny and be reminded of your little one. I wish there was more that we could do or say to ease your pain during this time. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. <3
Thinking of you both, here in Santa Fe, and sending love, condolences and “Mitleid”!
My heart is breaking for you. I lost my daughter in 1984. She will welcome Penny into Heaven. Let God carry you through your grief. Penny will always be remembered.
Words fail. Sending love, and promise of our continued prayers. Our hearts break for you.
My heart is absolutely broken for you both, and for your sweet Penny. Penny from heaven, indeed. I love you, sweet girl, and promise I will remember you. I’m so very sorry for your loss. <3
There aren’t enough words to describe the loss, but these are beautiful words to describe hope. She will always be loved, and we will all be with you to treasure her memory and celebrate the time she spent with us here on Earth.
My heart is breaking and my tears are flowing. Much love and many prayers for comfort are being sent your way. Your beautiful Penny will never be forgotten ❤
Oh, Jenny and Rick, there are no words, only tears with you. How incredibly devastating. All my love to you.
Praying for you and the family as you grieve.